Personality Disorders

I've been thinking a lot recently about personality disorders and why some people act the way they do.

I took an online test to see how likely it is that I have a personality disorder and it was a low likelyhood that I'm all fucked up in the head.

Some of the people I know should take this test because they DEFINITELY have personality disorders and need some serious help. 

You see, I think I'm pretty stable. 

Sure, there are things that I say and do and even after I've said them or done them I wonder, what the fuck was THAT?!? and I call myself an asshole and move on.

I spent some time as a kid in therapy and I think it did me a world of good.

I feel like I have the insight into my own head to see where I'm coming from.  If things make me angry I learned in therapy to look for the future of that anger.  Is it helping me in any way.  What am I going to do with it.  How can I give it an outlet that won't cause me any more anger.

(just noticed I  failed to add ? above and I'm not gointg to fix it.  is it driving you nuts like it's driving me nuts?)

Other things I learned in therapy.

The only person who I can manage is me. The only person I can change is me. The only person I need to really truly worry about what that person is thinking... is me.

I'm not saying that therapy taught me to be selfish, but I think it taught me to take people as they are and let the rest of the bullshit fall by the wayside.

I don't worry about what is going on in everyone else's life. I don't honestly care what other people are doing.

I think a lot about my kids, my husband, my family.  But I know that their actions are just that, their actions.  Their ideas, their worries, their fears - they don't belong to me.

I can talk to them about it.  I can help them work through, find solutions, find outlets. But what I don't have to do is get mired down in what's going on in their heads.

I can't get in there.  I can't change them. 

That doesn't mean I can't influence or advise.  But the change has to come from within them.

If you slight me often enough, I'll cut you out of my life without a single glance back.  If you show that you genuinely want to take an interest in me and mine, I'll keep you around.

I don't have the energy to deal with other people's crap.

I have two small children. They are a lot of work.

I have a marriage.  It's a good marriage, my husband and I are happy.  But all marriages take work from both people to be successful. 

I have a job.  It's not a mentally demanding job, but I have to recharge my introvert batteries after forcing myself to interact with my bar patrons each night.

All the drama and BS that I hear about in other people's lives.  I'm so glad that it's not me.

This refrain runs through me head often: Little llama, what a tizzy! Sometimes Mama's very busy.  Stop all of that llama drama and be patient for your Mama.