Nightmare

I had the most horrible nightmare of my entire life last night.

I don't remember all the details, just that one of my children had died.  In my dream I couldn't be consoled and lay in my bed screaming "GIVE HIM BACK! GIVE ME BACK MY LITTLE BOY!".

I woke up in a sobbing, sweating, panicked and in that short moment between sleeping and waking up I actually felt like it was the truth.

I can't even begin to describe to you the agony my soul felt at that moment.  The thought that there wasn't any reason for me to keep going because my little dude was gone and there wasn't anything I could about it.

It still makes me sob to think about waking up like that. 

My heart was completely shattered and I didn't feel like there was any way for me to put it back together again, ever.